Friday, August 12, 2011

Let's make this as pleasant as possible

The food I mean.

I mean, let's be honest, some of the stuff can get a little dull. If you are choosing to partake in the tofu-eating extravaganza, let me give you a hint I wish I new about the first 3 weeks of my diet. Tofu from the container tastes like a glob of beef fat, with its gelatinous texture and its plain, yet not great, taste.

Solution: THE DRY FRY (i.e. no oil). I first learned about it here. I owe that woman a lot of money, since she's made eating tofu my least favorite part of the day, to a part of the day that's now quite tasty!

The tofu, with the dry fry, turns chewy, tasty, and actually, quite substantial in texture and substance. All those years wasted trying to acquaint myself with sludgy, wet tofu.... what a waste.

Here is how I cook a container of Tofu each day. This is after I first put it on the skillet to begin the dry-fry.

This is the after:

Now, what, pray tell, can we put on this tofu, without adding fat, a ton of sugar, or something else that negates the fact that we're eating healthfully? The solution is this:

Chili Garlic Sauce. You open the container, and your mouth starts to water.

Sometimes, you want to have a salad. For me, this is at least once a day, most of the time, twice. Now, because lettuce is so light, airy, and virtually no calories, the usual "half-cup" measurement rule doesn't really apply. I usually use liberal amounts of good lettuce, called mesclun mix.

It's good for you, better than iceberg, and better than romaine. AND, it takes to minimal dressing real well, so if you're trying to use just 1 tsp of fat, put this lettuce in your large bowl, with a lid, and shake it, and every little piece of lettuce holds dressing, and it's wonderful.

What I will often do, is add these three items together and make a salad. The Garlic Chili sauce, perhaps 3 teaspoons of it, then 5 cups of lettuce, plus a few ounces of the tofu, put it in a large Snapware bowl, shake it up, and it's so delicious. The best part of this meal is that it's got lots of volume. And the Garlic Chili sauce is fat free, and basically calorie free, so I can use my fat serving elsewhere. Bonus!

One item that I tried, that was recommended to me by another fitness competitor, is something called Shirataki noodles. They're Asian noodles made from tofu, and they have virtually no calories, no fat, and no carbs.

Why hello, future answer to my carbohydrate prayers!
If you are as half as delicious as you look, we are in business!

So I waddled over to Whole Foods in my neighborhood, picked up 2 packages. I tried it tonight. First of all, as the package warns you, there is a smell when you open it.

How to describe the smell. Okay, imagine a decaying fish in the summer heat, in an overused outdoor womens restroom, where there is also a dead body bloating up from the slow decay of human tissue, and a pile of dirty diapers in a trash can in the sun. That's what it smelled like.

So, I rinsed it thoroughly, as the package suggested. Then microwaved it. Then added some edamame, ready to enjoy my faux pasta dinner. Soooo it still smelled like rotting corpse, and the texture wasn't really like pasta, so it all went in the trash. Sorry Shirataki noodles. You really should please, not smell like death's door, maybe people would eat you more.

And lastly, I recommend this to anyone who is going to do a high protein, low carb diet. I've never needed anything like this. I used to scoff at the fools who would need to partake in such a supplement to their diet. Well, now, folks, I need it. Because I can't eat fiber cereal, and I can't eat prunes, and I can't eat enough roughage without screwing up the diet, we've resorted to Metamucil. Ah, ahem, EXCUSE me, I mean Equaline Natural Fiber.

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