A letter to myself

Dear Me,

What are you doing? How could you let yourself fall apart like this? We've come so far. It reminds me of when you used to save everything until the last minute in college, panic, hate yourself, then do a semester-long research project in the painful 12-hours before it's due, printing the paper mere minutes before it was due, skipping the class to finish, only to hand it to the professor as the class shuffles out the door.

Why do you do this to yourself? Self-sabotage is painful and stressful. Sure a lot of folks do it. I can think of some similar examples, of people who mess large, important things up, for no real good reason:

- People who cheat on their spouses when the person wasn't even that attractive anyway.
- People who commit a petty crime while in probation, only to be thrown back in prison.
- People who get in bar fights over nothing, and now have a record.
- People who are really late to work, or fall asleep at their desk, and lose their job.
- People who steal something small and lame from work, get caught, and get terminated.
- People who fail to pay taxes, even though they have plenty of money to pay the taxes, now they're charged with tax evasion and have to fork over 10 times the amount of taxes for a lawyer.
- People who hang out with girlfriends or boyfriends knowing they're dishonest and will screw them over somehow, yet they ignore the red flags and continue forward.

Are you one of those people? Do you *really* want to be put into that category? You did so exceptionally well for many months, made some amazing progress. People encouraged you, supported you, gave you great feedback and help.

And here you are. You feel like trash, probably look like trash. Your stomach hurts, you forget where the gym is, and you're sad an unhappy. And you have no one to blame, but yourself. You weren't even hungry, you weren't even too busy to gym, but here you are.

You must really feel as though you're not worth it keeping it together. But you are. The Queen Bee of fitness coaching told you that you walked like a professional at the posing workshop, and you went home and choose to make bad choices.

You can either get your act together, wear your pretty posing suit, rock the stage, and feel great, or you can hate yourself for messing things up for yourself.

You know which one you have to choose. Stop being an ass and start using your brain.

-Me